Haiti

Disasters happen. They happen. I mean I wish they wouldn't. I wish that writing a blog, or saying a prayer, or even just living a really good life could stop them from happening. Unfortunately I am not God and I don't really have the power to fix anything, I can only contribute.

Clothing drives, money collections, prayer circles- I'm all there. I'm not as rich as Angelina Jolie and I can't take my private jet over to being people essential goods while posing for tabloid pictures, but I'm pretty sure that they don't want anyone else coming over and using their resources anyway.

There are some things that I can and should do in response to a tragedy like this. I can hurt. I can feel horrible. When other people are in danger or are having serious problems I should want to do whatever I can to help. I can't even begin to imagine right now how horrible it must be to be going through what they are going through, but it certainly breaks my heart to think about it.

I'm not sure if that's the "right" way to respond to something like this, but it sounds about right to me. However, I guess if there's a right way to respond to this there is also a wrong way to respond to it.

Enter Pat Robertson (a.k.a. Mr.-biggest-jerk-in-the-universe-face). I just made that nickname up.

His response wasn't just not normal; I would go as far to say that his response was wrong.

According to ABC News at , Robertson blames the disaster in Haiti on a pact that they supposedly made with the devil. Said Robertson:

"(Haitians were) under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil... They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, 'OK it's a deal'."

So I'm not really if Robertson is just a bad person, if he has no soul, or if he's just a delusional old man that doesn't know what he is talking about. But saying something like that at a time like this sounds like pure evil to me.

I'm pretty sure that Robertson is the only person in the world that believes that, because that's one of the most ridiculous and plainly stupid sounding stories that I've ever heard. But even if there were truth to what he was saying, why bring it up now?

I truly cannot comprehend what it is that makes him want to say something so terrible and to condemn people that are already hurting.

I know that I shouldn't wish ill on anyone, but he'll get his. One day that man will get what he deserves.

Niche Assignment

I have opinions, and really good opinions. I have a lot of things to say and I have a lot of interesting perspectives things like life, people, and a whole bunch of other stuff. Not that that matters. All that matters now is one of those few things that I don't have anything to say about.

I was really proud of myself when I concluded at the end of my blog last semester that I don't have a niche and that that's okay. I felt empowered. I felt good about being seemingly alone and lost in the world. But apparently it's not okay.

For this blog I am supposed to be writing about my niche. You know, the niche that I don’t have. I’m not going to sit here and make one up, although sometimes I feel that that is exactly what this assignment entails. I’m just going to tell you the truth. I don’t want to grow up to be a blogger and in the meantime I’m not going to blog about a niche that I don’t have.

It’s frustrating, you know? I want to have a niche. However wanting something and having something are two completely different things. Or maybe I do have a niche and I just haven’t figured it out yet. Is that wrong?????

It took me until my second year of college to be completely sure about what I wanted to do with my life. Before I came to that decision, I was frustrated. It’s hard to not know exactly what it is that you want, or that you’re good at. It’s hard to not feel particularly special.

Now I’m immersed in that feeling all over again. We have so many writers in our class that are passionate about what they write about and they are exceptional writers in their specific fields.

I’m not like that. I’m all over the place sometimes. If you were too look at all of the articles that I did for the Banner last semester you would laugh because I was basically in a different section each time. As they say, I go between the tribes.

If you ask me a question that I don't have the answer to, it doesn't matter how you ask the question, I still don't have the answer. I still don’t have a niche. Now with this assignment I feel really guilty about that fact.

Maybe next semester?

Christmas Break

I suppose that it's easier to write about my Christmas break by talking about "the holidays". Really, It all started on Thanksgiving.

I wasn't with my family for thanksgiving. I should have been, but I had work. Anyway, my grandpa was having serious problems breathing that day. The next day my grandma rushed him to the hospital.

Fifty-five years of smoking catches up to you eventually, and for my grandpa that was the day that it all hit. It felt like everything that could possibly be wrong with him was wrong with him. The most unpleasant thing about this happening during the holidays is that I had finals coming up...I was really busy. I guess that thats sort of selfish thing to say.

My mom, her sisters and my grandma were there every day. They had everything organized into shifts so that he was never alone at the hospital. I came when I "could".

My grandpa was always an outspoken man. Now he had a tube down his throat. He was sedated for what felt like weeks. Every now and then he took what the doctors affectionally called a "sedation vacation", they would wake him up and give him an update about what was going on and make sure that he was okay. Soon enough they let him go home.

He wet home and had a stroke. It was a "minor stroke", whatever that means. I guess that that means that he didn't die.

Back in the hospital, he was doing terrible. I wish that I knew medical terms. I've never been sure how much prayer really helped, but he started doing well and they let him out of the hospital and into a rehabilitation clinic. My mom was a mess, she had hardly slept. She spent days worrying that she had picked the wrong place to put him into.

He could identify letters, but he couldn't read words. Since he had had the tube down his throat he couldn't talk. He had some motor skills, but his strength and endurance was at a minimal.

Rehabilitation went well, and on Christmas day he was allowed to leave for three hours to spend time with the family. He could say words but it was really difficult for him. Sometimes I felt like I was the only one who could really understand him. I guess that that was a blessing. Still, I can't even imagine being in a position where you can't dictate basic things to people that are close to you.

On new Years Day, they let him go home. He does sort of an outpatient thing now. Call it a New Years Day miracle.

There are still problems now. He can't always communicate the things that he needs to to my grandma. A few days ago he told my mom that he felt like he was "high". My mom talked to my grandma about the medications. He was taking WAY to much anti-anxiety medication. That's been settled.

Today I went to go visit him. he's doing great, but he's not perfect. Maybe I want too much.

I don't have a niche!!!^%%^&%*^$^&%&^(%&^%%^

Eventually, this story goes somewhere:

So I was at Disneyland the other day. Actually it wasn't really the other day. Like many, I have spent the last few weeks overwhelmed with preparing for finals. Anyway, this story took place the last time I was at Disneyland. Actually, this story doesn't take place at Disneyland Park, it takes place at Disney's California Adventure. On the Tower of Terror, of course.

If you have been on the ToT once before, you know exactly when the ride of going to pause at the open window long enough for the camera to take a picture of you screaming... or something. After spending a bit of time deciding what we were going to do for our pose, one of my friends decided that I should be choking him with his scarf. We were with some friends that were visiting from out of town, and after we got off of the ride they decided that they wanted to buy the picture. 

Except Disney would not let us buy the picture because the pose that we were in was too graphic.

We were granted a fastpass and went on the ride again. So we brainstormed about what we were going to do for the pic. Glee characters? We could all act like we were answering our cell phones! What if we actually dropped one out of that window?

We were on the ride and the moment had arrived. I put my hands up in confusion and made this sort-of "I don't know" face. The picture turned out perfect. If Ricky ever manages to upload it I'll definitely put the picture up here for you.

I think that "I don't know" pose sort of describes all of my life. I don't know. I mean, I know that I'll figure it out, but right now I'm in that terrible in-between. Except it's not really that terrible. Not knowing is pretty fun. I love my life. Sure, I don't know where I'm heading. Most of the time I don't really think that I'm exceptionally good at anything. But I am not alone. My speciality is looking: sometimes finding, sometimes not. It's a hit and miss type of thing. Throwing spaghetti at the wall to see if the noodles stick. I think thats how that phrase goes. 

Here's one blogger that gets it: Patty Mitchell

She blogs about not knowing: and sometimes it's just random. But I really dig it.

#2 this one

so i'm not sure who writes it, but it is definitely interesting. sometimes not entirely cohesive, but it;s making a point.

Finally there is John Seely Brown's blog 

This is the most professional of all the blogs that I have given, ran by a very smart man whom I could learn a lot from. Check it out.

Reflections on the Direction Journalism is taking

News is changing. This fact is obvious, I should not have to write a blog to inform anyone that news is changing- but it is, and that fact is vital to the rest of this blog.

I will be referencing these links:

http://www.minnpost.com/insideminnpost/2009/10/19/12627/a_modest_proposal_for_federal_funding_of_journalism

Journalists are losing their jobs, left and right. As a college student I find myself grateful some days that I am not in the "real world" just yet. I can write for my school newspaper and not have to worry about that newspaper still being around next week. 

 On a local level, newspapers are suffering. Every time I talk to someone that works for the Riverside Press Enterprise, they have two things to say about their job.

1. They are entirely grateful to still have it after the numerous times that the newspaper has fired large groups of people.

2. They are still in fear of losing their job.

...and some of these people have worked there for more than fifteen years

 Similar things are happening to journalists all around the country, this is just a local example of one that is close to my heart. 

 Even more "large-scale" newspapers, like the Los Angeles Times, seem to be firing journalists left and right. 

 They have no choice. 

 The money is simply not there. 

 Even under these drastic circumstances, I still am not able to find a valid reason to justify the federal funding of newspapers or any public news sources. To me, this is a conflict of interest. Some of the files that I have attached address the idea that there are certain ways to have federal funding without there being politics affecting what is reported on and the way that things are reported. 

 Maybe I don't have a perfect understanding, but to me that sounds ridiculous. Eventually, and most likely sooner rather than later there are going to be horrible effects of letting the press be controlled by federal funding. 

 Everything that the U.S. government touches turns into a pig pile of cow manure, DO NOT let it touch public media, and especially not journalism.

 So, if I certainly do not support federal funding of newspapers, what sort of solution do I support?

 I believe that newspapers are dying, I am not even sure if ANY are going to exist by the time I finish college. But I think that as journalists, we need to accept change…we can’t just hold on to the past.

 We cannot and should not ask the government to just “throw money” at a business that is failing. After all, we watched the government throw money at banks and car businesses that were failing, and those industries are still failing.

 People are still going to want “real” news- not government news and not news that is funded by the government.

 So lets be open to change and lets, as journalists, be open to deliver news to the public in the way that they want. Lets figure out how we are going to fund this changing industry as we find out what the finished product is going to look like.

 Finally, lets celebrate. We are the journalists that are going to be entering into the industry during a time of change that will be remembered, we are part of history in the field that we are a part of. If you ask me, that’s pretty cool.

Banner- My faith

To begin, I chose to do  a blog about my faith because it is a topic that I sometimes have a hard time explaining to others, but I think now is a good time to try and vocalize (via blog) how I feel. 

When somebody asks me if I believe in God, my response is typically along the lines of, "yes, but I don't really agree with Christianity". 

Now, don't get me wrong: I want to believe in Christianity. It seems right, and there are a lot of really nice Christians in the world. Just, there are also a lot of horrible ones. And at the end of the day, I still have a hard time agreeing with them, even some of the time.

What follows is what I believe are the three major conflicts between me and Christianity.

1. Politics

I have no idea how being a follower of Jesus and being a right wing republican ever became so closely tied, but the truth is they simply are. Well, this creates a problem.

I will admit that in MY life I am very conservative: I'm straight, I go to college, I could never have an abortion, I have a decent job, my hair is not any type of crazy color, I respect authority, I don't really break the rules, and yes, I believe In God.

But just because I do these things in my life doesn't mean that I should have to force people to live that way in their lives. I mean, just because I'm not gay doesn't mean that gay marriage should be illegal. Even if it is against Gods law (and no, I do not believe that it is), who am I to impose that on people living in a free country?

I mean really, if anyone in America wants to impose religious laws on the nation as a whole then they should have no political power because they are too blinded to be involved in government.

And no, I don't go to church. They discriminate, even the one's that don't think that they do. 

2. Science

To begin my section on science, let me just say that I am not an intelligent design theorist. 

I believe in God.

I believe in evolution.

I do not believe that the two conflict.

So here lies a pretty major problem between me and Christians. Our fundamental understanding of who we are and how we got here is completely skewed. 

So, when I'm with christians, I am the odd one out because I believe that the world is more than like 3,000 years old. (And when I am with secular scientists I am the odd one out because I still cling to the idea of God).

Let me close this out by saying this: I have a great relationship with God and I truly know that I could never make it through my life without His love and support.

Sometimes, I want to go through the motions of being a Christian, in the traditional sense that people see it in America today. But I see all of the Christians around me and I think, "I can't even fake this".

Whatever separates me so much from Christians, it isn't God. Thats a common ground. But there is something, and I wish there wasn't.

Extra Credit Blog-Still

Still.

After many trials, revisions and more. The theme for our yearbook this year is still. In my opinion, we could not possibly have a more perfect theme. 

Thank God for this theme, thank God for still. This word is what has gotten me through this entire year. Specifically, this semester. Drama doesn't leave you when you leave high school. Things get harder. Things get tougher. People hurt me. I, in turn, hurt people who never for a second in their lives deserved it.  Then what do you do?

And the drama is just the backdrop, right? There are still obligations. There are still things that I have to get done. I can try as hard as I can to make everyone happy, but in the end I end up being a failure to everyone. How does this happen? This isn't fair. It's just not.

And then, I am alone.

And then, I remember.

Still.

Be still, and take a breath. Be still, and pray. Be still, and wipe your stupid sorry eyes and next time, you will do better.

That's what you tell yourself, even if you are lying. Because at this moment, this moment when you are still, everything is okay.

Even If that's all that you have.

But.

Still is not a selfish word. Still is not just here for me. Be still and look around.

The whole world is in motion. Be still, but don't be alone. Be still and do something. Make a plan, do something right. Just do these things with peace. In order to stay at peace with yourself, you must stay still. 

I must stay still. 

Taking the time to be still is like taking the time to recharge the battery on your phone. (You know, except you are the phone and you apparently have a battery). 

I was never good at analogies. 

Once I have taken the time to be still and take a look around me, life is easier. I go through life with a different perspective. I am more calm, I am more collected, I am less worried.

Thank God for still, because sometimes motion causes sickness. 

Change is unavoidable. Still, however, still is something special. Still is something to embrace. Still is a gift. It is a gift from God to us, and it has been a gift to have a reminder of this gift constantly around me. 

Still is something that we all need, and something that I will never forget to cherish.