Banner- My faith

To begin, I chose to do  a blog about my faith because it is a topic that I sometimes have a hard time explaining to others, but I think now is a good time to try and vocalize (via blog) how I feel. 

When somebody asks me if I believe in God, my response is typically along the lines of, "yes, but I don't really agree with Christianity". 

Now, don't get me wrong: I want to believe in Christianity. It seems right, and there are a lot of really nice Christians in the world. Just, there are also a lot of horrible ones. And at the end of the day, I still have a hard time agreeing with them, even some of the time.

What follows is what I believe are the three major conflicts between me and Christianity.

1. Politics

I have no idea how being a follower of Jesus and being a right wing republican ever became so closely tied, but the truth is they simply are. Well, this creates a problem.

I will admit that in MY life I am very conservative: I'm straight, I go to college, I could never have an abortion, I have a decent job, my hair is not any type of crazy color, I respect authority, I don't really break the rules, and yes, I believe In God.

But just because I do these things in my life doesn't mean that I should have to force people to live that way in their lives. I mean, just because I'm not gay doesn't mean that gay marriage should be illegal. Even if it is against Gods law (and no, I do not believe that it is), who am I to impose that on people living in a free country?

I mean really, if anyone in America wants to impose religious laws on the nation as a whole then they should have no political power because they are too blinded to be involved in government.

And no, I don't go to church. They discriminate, even the one's that don't think that they do. 

2. Science

To begin my section on science, let me just say that I am not an intelligent design theorist. 

I believe in God.

I believe in evolution.

I do not believe that the two conflict.

So here lies a pretty major problem between me and Christians. Our fundamental understanding of who we are and how we got here is completely skewed. 

So, when I'm with christians, I am the odd one out because I believe that the world is more than like 3,000 years old. (And when I am with secular scientists I am the odd one out because I still cling to the idea of God).

Let me close this out by saying this: I have a great relationship with God and I truly know that I could never make it through my life without His love and support.

Sometimes, I want to go through the motions of being a Christian, in the traditional sense that people see it in America today. But I see all of the Christians around me and I think, "I can't even fake this".

Whatever separates me so much from Christians, it isn't God. Thats a common ground. But there is something, and I wish there wasn't.

Extra Credit Blog-Still

Still.

After many trials, revisions and more. The theme for our yearbook this year is still. In my opinion, we could not possibly have a more perfect theme. 

Thank God for this theme, thank God for still. This word is what has gotten me through this entire year. Specifically, this semester. Drama doesn't leave you when you leave high school. Things get harder. Things get tougher. People hurt me. I, in turn, hurt people who never for a second in their lives deserved it.  Then what do you do?

And the drama is just the backdrop, right? There are still obligations. There are still things that I have to get done. I can try as hard as I can to make everyone happy, but in the end I end up being a failure to everyone. How does this happen? This isn't fair. It's just not.

And then, I am alone.

And then, I remember.

Still.

Be still, and take a breath. Be still, and pray. Be still, and wipe your stupid sorry eyes and next time, you will do better.

That's what you tell yourself, even if you are lying. Because at this moment, this moment when you are still, everything is okay.

Even If that's all that you have.

But.

Still is not a selfish word. Still is not just here for me. Be still and look around.

The whole world is in motion. Be still, but don't be alone. Be still and do something. Make a plan, do something right. Just do these things with peace. In order to stay at peace with yourself, you must stay still. 

I must stay still. 

Taking the time to be still is like taking the time to recharge the battery on your phone. (You know, except you are the phone and you apparently have a battery). 

I was never good at analogies. 

Once I have taken the time to be still and take a look around me, life is easier. I go through life with a different perspective. I am more calm, I am more collected, I am less worried.

Thank God for still, because sometimes motion causes sickness. 

Change is unavoidable. Still, however, still is something special. Still is something to embrace. Still is a gift. It is a gift from God to us, and it has been a gift to have a reminder of this gift constantly around me. 

Still is something that we all need, and something that I will never forget to cherish. 

Final Blog-Book Review

You probably didn't read it in high school, but that doesn't stop it from being a classic. The Master and Margarita, by Mikhail Bulgakov, is probably one of the greatest literary works of the 20th century, so they say. (You know, whoever they are). The novel comes from Russia, and the history behind this book is much longer and more eventful than I have the time to write about in this blog, but I promise it's interesting.

The plot is crazy, it's a whirlwind experience, and it's all over the place. The set-up is basically like this. Two intelligent men are having an intelligent decision about how God doesn't exist when, all of a sudden, a mysterious stranger arrives. Soon enough the characters remain unaware, but the reader has caught to the fact that this man is the devil walking around in Moscow, Russia. 

What is he doing here?

The devil affirms the existence of Jesus, but denounces the accuracy of the Bible. He predicts the (almost immediate) death of one of the men that he is talking to, and finally he proceeds to introduce the true character of Pontius Pilate- a major theme throughout the story. 

So that's just the beginning. After that it gets really crazy (don't let me spoil it for you but the devil throws a grand ball on earth). 

In my opinion, this novel does in fact deserve all of the attention that it gets as one if the greatest novels of the 20th century. It is written amazingly well, and it asks philosophical questions that really do speak for our generation. It blurs the line between reality and the fantastic, or at least seriously demands the reader to question it. 

The reader is never given any illusion that they will be able to understand completely the nature what is "truth" and what is "real". However the importance of philosophy, literature, and the pursuit of knowledge are encouraged through the themes in this book.  In fact, at one point in the novel, the devil saves a book that one of the characters, Master, had attempted to destroy. "Manuscripts don't burn" the devil tells him, as if that is an explanation. 

This novel is more than an adventure or religious (of some sort) piece. It achieves without effort a spot among the literary classics. It's themes run deep, and its encouragement of the pursuit of truth, regardless of how in vain that attempt may be, speaks for our generations desire for and struggle with the pursuit of religion and knowledge. 

Angelos Midterm-Option 3

Sometimes I'm just wrong.

 

This has been made especially clear to me in a number of ways recently, but it's always a downer when you realize that you're wrong in your own area of expertise. For me, that area is movies. 

 

So there I was, looking for an article to write about. Nothing too political… I don't want to get my head bitten off (I mean I don't want to offend anyone). Nothing about money… I'd rather bring happy news.

 

And it seems that that’s what people really want. Nothing honest, nothing true, just an escape. If we pretend the recession isn't happening than it isn't. 

 

Except it is, and we sort of know that too-but haven't actually brought ourselves around to admitting to it yet.

 

So, there it is, the relevance that my article has to society. I suppose you also might want to know a thing or two about the article, and maybe even why I am so wrong, remember?

 

In a recent article titled In Downturn, Americans Flock to the Movies from The New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/01/movies/01films.html) something culturally relevant is discussed…and I think you might be able to guess what is.

 

Movie going attendance is up…way up. Really, it has “jumped, by nearly 16 percent. If that pace continues through the year, it would amount to the biggest box-office surge in at least two decades”.

 

That’s a lot of people going to the movies. And that’s why I am so wrong. I thought that no one was going to the movies. I thought that that’s why I have to wait until July of 2009 to see the newest installment in the Harry Potter series when I could swear that the thing was due out last November. And it’s definitely not the only film to be suffering that sort of set back.

 

So I can’t answer as to why any of that horrible stuff is happening, but I probably couldn’t answer why most horrible things are happening. I do know (now), that people are going to the movies more than last year, and that really surprises me that   “while much of the economy is teetering between bust and bailout, the movie industry has been startled by a box-office surge that has little precedent in the modern era”.

 

Except, when I think about it, that makes perfect sense. Of course, it makes sense in the scariest way imaginable.

 

We are in a recession; we are in a depression… whatever you call it. It is happening and we’re starting to act like it.

 

Hollywood made money in the 1930’s. They made money as an industry by making films about people living extraordinary lives that the average American could never dream of actually living. Today, the tendency is leaning towards a “mix of movies, which have been more audience-friendly in recent months as the studios have tried to adjust after the lackluster sales of more somber and serious films”.

 

Sound familiar?  In the 1930’s children and adults flocked to the movies see the latest Busby Berkeley musical whenever they could. It seems as though we are beginning to find ourselves in a parallel of this.

 

 I should note that there is good evidence to say that correlation does not prove causation. Movies aren’t necessarily more successful just because the economy is down.

 

But it does beg a certain question. Are we experiencing something that is greater than the normal up’s and down’s that the film industry usually goes through. Do we have a serious problem, one even greater than the great depression?

 

I’m scared, and I hope that this warning is a false alarm. If not, I don’t know what to hope for.

 

Assignment 1- Personal Testimony

First off, the reason that I chose this topic is because "my personal testimony" is a difficult thing for me to figure out or explain to other people. Most christians that I meet are able to explain exactly when they became a christian and how that singular change dramatically affected their life. 

I don't have a story like that.

Like many students at CBU, I grew up in a christian household. I will admit however, there was a struggle between denominations. My mom is non- denominational, my dad is an atheist (they are divorced), my step-dad was catholic at the time, my mom's parents are baptist, and my dad's parents are seventh day adventist. Im pretty sure that covers the entire spectrum of christianity.

Anyway, regardless of the church that I went to I did go to church every sunday, and I sort of always considered myself to be a christian- even if I did not have a very good handle on what exactly that meant.

So I accepted Jesus into my heart. A lot. I mean, I must have accepted him into my heart like five hundred times during my childhood. The sunday school teachers always had these compelling speeches making me want to be a christian. Since I did not have a "home" church, these were usually different people. All of them made me feel likeI was an awful sinner and I needed Jesus. It sounded like a good deal to me. I guess I did not have a good handle on the fact that I only needed to do that once.

I was baptized at the age of ten, and personally I feel like that was the turning point in my faith. I wasn't being a christian because I thought I should be, I was deciding to be a follower of Jesus because I wanted to be. I had gone to christian school, so by that time I had a good handle on what I was doing and the significance of choosing to be a christian. 

Maybe I had it easy, I have always been blessed by being immersed in a christian community. I have always had support every time I faltered in my walk with christ. I am lucky. If I didn't have my faith I think that I would be lost in the world. The strength that I receive from God and the christian community is the backbone of my entire life, and I can only hope that I can give back to that community and try to glorify God in everything that I do.

Reflection (Final)

It's funny how we tend to obsessively look for answers, especially when they're right in front of us.  Well,i say "us", but I really mean "me", I think it just makes me feel better. 

ANYWAY, you know those people that change their major like 500 times a week... thats me. Well, that was me as a frosh. Now that Im a sophisticated sophomore I just say that I'm undeclared- it saves a lot of paperwork.

I remember the moment that I had the realization  that I should be a journalist. I was sitting at home over the summer, watching tv ad eating ice cream. I wasn't going to get excited yet, I've had realizations like this one before.

Joining Angelos was the smartest decision that I have made since entering college. I feel at home here. Some of the things that I have learned in here are completely new and foreign to me, but I cant get enough of it. All of it. This is it, this what I want. I want to be a journalist.

I appreciate more than I could ever say how supportive our journalism department is. Thank all of you, for everything. I look foreword to more next semester, and whatever things it brings me.

Absurd, Pathetic, and Competely Honest

I am in the middle of an existentialist crisis.

I hate existentialism.

Ten weeks ago, I didn't hate it. Ten weeks ago, It was interesting. It was new. It was something that I really wanted to learn about.

Now I can't escape it.

I am only taking one class in existentialism this semester, but its themes seem to be emerging everywhere. I find myself writing about these themes in classes seemingly unrelated to the topic.

As for my mini public service announcement:
If you choose to immerse yourself in something to learn about, make sure that you're okay with it sort of controling your life.

You might not want to pick the most depressing topic ever.




Anywat that's not the sad part. This is the sad part.

So I was sleeping last night. Like many other silly girls, I fell asleep talking to my boyfriend. Oddly, when my phone alarm went off, it wasn't so loud because I apparentally was still on the phone.

"...Hello"?, I tried

To my suprise he was competely awake. "Hey were you sleeping?" he asked.

I was tired and confused, but I managed a "Ya".

Then he says somemthing strange. "You were crying. A lot. For like the last hour. Are you okay?"

This was news to me. I thought I was just sleeping. But my eyes were wet so I had no reason to doubt him.

Really though. I 've heard of sleep walking, I've heard of sleep talking, but sleep crying???

I had no idea that I was so depressed.

So there's my existentialist crisis. It's not terrible, I didn't open a book with all the answers to life's greatist questions only to become dissapointed because some prievous persons tears have made all the ink run.

But apparentally I am sad. Shows how little I know.