Heartbreaking Tales of the Greatest Person that has Ever Lived.

A Big Summer

2010-04-19T23:47:00.000-07:00

Travel. Travel. Travel. That's what I want to do!

And with summer right around the corner, this goal has made itself possible =] Todays blog is going to serve as a guide for all of the amazing posts that you should be looking forward to this summer. I can't travel without blogging, and I apparently can't do that unless its summer.

Traveling will help me to live the BIG life that I want to live, and I want to be able to share that with those who read this blog. So here we go:

Starting small. The day that school ends I will be heading off to long beach, and I will get to stay a five minute walk away from the beach for about a week.

A little farther. In late may I will be heading to Utah to celebrate a friends birthday. I am excited to whats out there, I have no idea what to expect!

Farther... Tennessee. later this summer I will visit some of my family in tennessee... a beloved tradition and a week or two of pure happiness.

Even farther... Florida!!!!!!!! For my birthday in August I will be spending 10 days at Walt Disney World Resort. yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Finally........Germany. That's right. I'm going to be ending my summer with a trip to Germany. I've only been out of the country once before in my life.

I'll keep you posted.

Blogging...and ramblings of

2010-03-24T08:34:00.001-07:00

I think blogging is a really broad category that can function as a lot of things. On the most simple level, I think that it does serve as a diary, weather or not the blogger intends for it to. The things that we choose to write about and our feelings about them are a reflection of ourselves. The best part about a blog is that no one is going to stop you from publishing it. It’s not like an article, where if you speak negatively about a certain thing you stand in fear of having your article cut, or at least heavily edited. With blogging you can say what you truly feel, with no restraints. and that’s why I think it is so powerful. In the role of convergent media and freelance writing, it is essential to have a blog. This gives your readers an outlet to become more familiar with you. Also, it expands your audience by making yourself more accessible.

I think to me blogging serves a dual role. It serves as a sort of diary but it also makes me accountable. For example, if my blog is about doing interesting things, I need to actually do interesting things and report about them on a regular basis.

For random blogs I just clicked on friends of friends until I found someone that I didn’t know…

Blog 1: http://www.adam-cook.blogspot.com/
This is more of a “diary” type blog, but there is also a heavy use of photography. I really enjoyed reading this blog, even though it seemed that it was mostly compiled for people that he actually knew. I think that their reason for blogging was simply to make a meaningful record of themselves, possibly just to look back on some day in the future.

Blog 2: http://morganpea.blogspot.com/
Once again, a diary type blog. It was really difficult for me to engage with this blog because I do not know her personally. I found myself disinterested in what she was doing with her life. Perhaps if she expanded her posts to have a more profound meaning, instead of “this is what I did today”, than it might be better.

JRN 415 Midterm

2010-03-22T10:18:00.001-07:00

This has to be about the 100th time that I have recieved this assignment: Find a niche!!!!!

"Well, what if I don't have a niche" was my response the first couple of times. The next few times I was just depressed that I didn't have one.

Then I realized that sure, other people that I know do have clearly defined niches, but that doesn't mean that I don't have one.

The other day I was talking to my mom about the future, and I was trying to describe what I wanted out of life.

"I don't even have the slightest clue what the future has in store for me", I said, "But I want to live a BIG life, you know".

And that's what is. I want my life to be BIG. Even when I'm stuck at college and can't find the time or money to go on a big European vacation, I want this blog to make responsible to anyone that reads it that I constantly need to be making an effort to make my life BIG.

This week I did a little bit to make my life BIG. I did something that I alweays put off. I climed Mt. Rubidoux. Sure, the drive was only five minutes and the walk was only a few miles, but it was one thing that I did for myself, to make my life as extraordinary as I could at the moment.

I can't even begin to describe how amazing the view was from the top, but the sense of accomplishment that I did something BIG for myself, even if it was just on a small scale, was extraordinary.

JRN 415 Midterm

2010-03-22T10:18:00.000-07:00

Listening to God

2010-02-24T08:35:00.001-08:00

I honestly feel that I need to start off this blog by admitting that I do not have a direct line to God. He has never spoken to me in plain English and I can only imagine what it is like to hear his voice…but he definitely has not said anything to me.

I don’t mean for that to sound harsh, but this is just one of those topics that really has not come up in my Christian life. At the church that I attended when I was younger there was always a long pause at the end of worship and people would just say out loud what they believed God was saying to them. This sort of freaked me out, and to this day I could not tell you if they were for real or not. Anyway that wasn’t even the oddest part. During that same pause people would…I don’t know, I guess you would call it trying to speak in tongues. After they did that they would interpret whatever it was that they claim to just have uttered. In my opinion, that definitely was not for real.

So, maybe that’s why God does not have a direct line to me, I am too skeptical. I study the bible, I pray, I go to church…I mean I really do try to be a good Christian. I just don’t have that sort of personal relationship with God the way that other people claim to.

I should also make it clear that God does reveal his presence to me, but in much subtler was than a direct line. I remember many times praying for calmness and receiving that along with the comfort of knowing that God was with me. I have always felt that God watches over me and knows what’s best for me even better than I do. So I guess that that means that I really don’t need to be able to have conversations with Him in words because I already have the confidence that He is there and watching out for me. My God is a good God and He knows me well, and maybe he knows that just showing up in the middle of the night would scare me too much, I’m just not that person.

Haiti

2010-01-27T07:16:00.000-08:00

Disasters happen. They happen. I mean I wish they wouldn't. I wish that writing a blog, or saying a prayer, or even just living a really good life could stop them from happening. Unfortunately I am not God and I don't really have the power to fix anything, I can only contribute.

Clothing drives, money collections, prayer circles- I'm all there. I'm not as rich as Angelina Jolie and I can't take my private jet over to being people essential goods while posing for tabloid pictures, but I'm pretty sure that they don't want anyone else coming over and using their resources anyway.

There are some things that I can and should do in response to a tragedy like this. I can hurt. I can feel horrible. When other people are in danger or are having serious problems I should want to do whatever I can to help. I can't even begin to imagine right now how horrible it must be to be going through what they are going through, but it certainly breaks my heart to think about it.

I'm not sure if that's the "right" way to respond to something like this, but it sounds about right to me. However, I guess if there's a right way to respond to this there is also a wrong way to respond to it.

Enter Pat Robertson (a.k.a. Mr.-biggest-jerk-in-the-universe-face). I just made that nickname up.

His response wasn't just not normal; I would go as far to say that his response was wrong.

According to ABC News at , Robertson blames the disaster in Haiti on a pact that they supposedly made with the devil. Said Robertson:

"(Haitians were) under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil... They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, 'OK it's a deal'."

So I'm not really if Robertson is just a bad person, if he has no soul, or if he's just a delusional old man that doesn't know what he is talking about. But saying something like that at a time like this sounds like pure evil to me.

I'm pretty sure that Robertson is the only person in the world that believes that, because that's one of the most ridiculous and plainly stupid sounding stories that I've ever heard. But even if there were truth to what he was saying, why bring it up now?

I truly cannot comprehend what it is that makes him want to say something so terrible and to condemn people that are already hurting.

I know that I shouldn't wish ill on anyone, but he'll get his. One day that man will get what he deserves.

Niche Assignment

2010-01-22T14:36:00.000-08:00

I have opinions, and really good opinions. I have a lot of things to say and I have a lot of interesting perspectives things like life, people, and a whole bunch of other stuff. Not that that matters. All that matters now is one of those few things that I don't have anything to say about.

I was really proud of myself when I concluded at the end of my blog last semester that I don't have a niche and that that's okay. I felt empowered. I felt good about being seemingly alone and lost in the world. But apparently it's not okay.

For this blog I am supposed to be writing about my niche. You know, the niche that I don’t have. I’m not going to sit here and make one up, although sometimes I feel that that is exactly what this assignment entails. I’m just going to tell you the truth. I don’t want to grow up to be a blogger and in the meantime I’m not going to blog about a niche that I don’t have.

It’s frustrating, you know? I want to have a niche. However wanting something and having something are two completely different things. Or maybe I do have a niche and I just haven’t figured it out yet. Is that wrong?????

It took me until my second year of college to be completely sure about what I wanted to do with my life. Before I came to that decision, I was frustrated. It’s hard to not know exactly what it is that you want, or that you’re good at. It’s hard to not feel particularly special.

Now I’m immersed in that feeling all over again. We have so many writers in our class that are passionate about what they write about and they are exceptional writers in their specific fields.

I’m not like that. I’m all over the place sometimes. If you were too look at all of the articles that I did for the Banner last semester you would laugh because I was basically in a different section each time. As they say, I go between the tribes.

If you ask me a question that I don't have the answer to, it doesn't matter how you ask the question, I still don't have the answer. I still don’t have a niche. Now with this assignment I feel really guilty about that fact.

Maybe next semester?

Christmas Break

2010-01-13T02:09:00.000-08:00

I suppose that it's easier to write about my Christmas break by talking about "the holidays". Really, It all started on Thanksgiving.

I wasn't with my family for thanksgiving. I should have been, but I had work. Anyway, my grandpa was having serious problems breathing that day. The next day my grandma rushed him to the hospital.

Fifty-five years of smoking catches up to you eventually, and for my grandpa that was the day that it all hit. It felt like everything that could possibly be wrong with him was wrong with him. The most unpleasant thing about this happening during the holidays is that I had finals coming up...I was really busy. I guess that thats sort of selfish thing to say.

My mom, her sisters and my grandma were there every day. They had everything organized into shifts so that he was never alone at the hospital. I came when I "could".

My grandpa was always an outspoken man. Now he had a tube down his throat. He was sedated for what felt like weeks. Every now and then he took what the doctors affectionally called a "sedation vacation", they would wake him up and give him an update about what was going on and make sure that he was okay. Soon enough they let him go home.

He wet home and had a stroke. It was a "minor stroke", whatever that means. I guess that that means that he didn't die.

Back in the hospital, he was doing terrible. I wish that I knew medical terms. I've never been sure how much prayer really helped, but he started doing well and they let him out of the hospital and into a rehabilitation clinic. My mom was a mess, she had hardly slept. She spent days worrying that she had picked the wrong place to put him into.

He could identify letters, but he couldn't read words. Since he had had the tube down his throat he couldn't talk. He had some motor skills, but his strength and endurance was at a minimal.

Rehabilitation went well, and on Christmas day he was allowed to leave for three hours to spend time with the family. He could say words but it was really difficult for him. Sometimes I felt like I was the only one who could really understand him. I guess that that was a blessing. Still, I can't even imagine being in a position where you can't dictate basic things to people that are close to you.

On new Years Day, they let him go home. He does sort of an outpatient thing now. Call it a New Years Day miracle.

There are still problems now. He can't always communicate the things that he needs to to my grandma. A few days ago he told my mom that he felt like he was "high". My mom talked to my grandma about the medications. He was taking WAY to much anti-anxiety medication. That's been settled.

Today I went to go visit him. he's doing great, but he's not perfect. Maybe I want too much.

I don't have a niche!!!^%%^&%*^$^&%&^(%&^%%^

2009-12-13T15:02:00.000-08:00

Eventually, this story goes somewhere:

So I was at Disneyland the other day. Actually it wasn't really the other day. Like many, I have spent the last few weeks overwhelmed with preparing for finals. Anyway, this story took place the last time I was at Disneyland. Actually, this story doesn't take place at Disneyland Park, it takes place at Disney's California Adventure. On the Tower of Terror, of course.

If you have been on the ToT once before, you know exactly when the ride of going to pause at the open window long enough for the camera to take a picture of you screaming... or something. After spending a bit of time deciding what we were going to do for our pose, one of my friends decided that I should be choking him with his scarf. We were with some friends that were visiting from out of town, and after we got off of the ride they decided that they wanted to buy the picture.

Except Disney would not let us buy the picture because the pose that we were in was too graphic.

We were granted a fastpass and went on the ride again. So we brainstormed about what we were going to do for the pic. Glee characters? We could all act like we were answering our cell phones! What if we actually dropped one out of that window?

We were on the ride and the moment had arrived. I put my hands up in confusion and made this sort-of "I don't know" face. The picture turned out perfect. If Ricky ever manages to upload it I'll definitely put the picture up here for you.

I think that "I don't know" pose sort of describes all of my life. I don't know. I mean, I know that I'll figure it out, but right now I'm in that terrible in-between. Except it's not really that terrible. Not knowing is pretty fun. I love my life. Sure, I don't know where I'm heading. Most of the time I don't really think that I'm exceptionally good at anything. But I am not alone. My speciality is looking: sometimes finding, sometimes not. It's a hit and miss type of thing. Throwing spaghetti at the wall to see if the noodles stick. I think thats how that phrase goes.

Here's one blogger that gets it: Patty Mitchell

She blogs about not knowing: and sometimes it's just random. But I really dig it.

#2 this one

so i'm not sure who writes it, but it is definitely interesting. sometimes not entirely cohesive, but it;s making a point.

Finally there is John Seely Brown's blog

This is the most professional of all the blogs that I have given, ran by a very smart man whom I could learn a lot from. Check it out.

Reflections on the Direction Journalism is taking

2009-11-04T13:17:00.000-08:00

News is changing. This fact is obvious, I should not have to write a blog to inform anyone that news is changing- but it is, and that fact is vital to the rest of this blog.

I will be referencing these links:

http://www.minnpost.com/insideminnpost/2009/10/19/12627/a_modest_proposal_for_federal_funding_of_journalism

Journalists are losing their jobs, left and right. As a college student I find myself grateful some days that I am not in the "real world" just yet. I can write for my school newspaper and not have to worry about that newspaper still being around next week.

On a local level, newspapers are suffering. Every time I talk to someone that works for the Riverside Press Enterprise, they have two things to say about their job.

1. They are entirely grateful to still have it after the numerous times that the newspaper has fired large groups of people.

2. They are still in fear of losing their job.

...and some of these people have worked there for more than fifteen years

Similar things are happening to journalists all around the country, this is just a local example of one that is close to my heart.

Even more "large-scale" newspapers, like the Los Angeles Times, seem to be firing journalists left and right.

They have no choice.

The money is simply not there.

Even under these drastic circumstances, I still am not able to find a valid reason to justify the federal funding of newspapers or any public news sources. To me, this is a conflict of interest. Some of the files that I have attached address the idea that there are certain ways to have federal funding without there being politics affecting what is reported on and the way that things are reported.

Maybe I don't have a perfect understanding, but to me that sounds ridiculous. Eventually, and most likely sooner rather than later there are going to be horrible effects of letting the press be controlled by federal funding.

Everything that the U.S. government touches turns into a pig pile of cow manure, DO NOT let it touch public media, and especially not journalism.

So, if I certainly do not support federal funding of newspapers, what sort of solution do I support?

I believe that newspapers are dying, I am not even sure if ANY are going to exist by the time I finish college. But I think that as journalists, we need to accept change…we can’t just hold on to the past.

We cannot and should not ask the government to just “throw money” at a business that is failing. After all, we watched the government throw money at banks and car businesses that were failing, and those industries are still failing.

People are still going to want “real” news- not government news and not news that is funded by the government.

So lets be open to change and lets, as journalists, be open to deliver news to the public in the way that they want. Lets figure out how we are going to fund this changing industry as we find out what the finished product is going to look like.

Finally, lets celebrate. We are the journalists that are going to be entering into the industry during a time of change that will be remembered, we are part of history in the field that we are a part of. If you ask me, that’s pretty cool.

Banner- My faith

2009-10-05T12:05:00.000-07:00

To begin, I chose to do a blog about my faith because it is a topic that I sometimes have a hard time explaining to others, but I think now is a good time to try and vocalize (via blog) how I feel.

When somebody asks me if I believe in God, my response is typically along the lines of, "yes, but I don't really agree with Christianity".

Now, don't get me wrong: I want to believe in Christianity. It seems right, and there are a lot of really nice Christians in the world. Just, there are also a lot of horrible ones. And at the end of the day, I still have a hard time agreeing with them, even some of the time.

What follows is what I believe are the three major conflicts between me and Christianity.

1. Politics

I have no idea how being a follower of Jesus and being a right wing republican ever became so closely tied, but the truth is they simply are. Well, this creates a problem.

I will admit that in MY life I am very conservative: I'm straight, I go to college, I could never have an abortion, I have a decent job, my hair is not any type of crazy color, I respect authority, I don't really break the rules, and yes, I believe In God.

But just because I do these things in my life doesn't mean that I should have to force people to live that way in their lives. I mean, just because I'm not gay doesn't mean that gay marriage should be illegal. Even if it is against Gods law (and no, I do not believe that it is), who am I to impose that on people living in a free country?

I mean really, if anyone in America wants to impose religious laws on the nation as a whole then they should have no political power because they are too blinded to be involved in government.

And no, I don't go to church. They discriminate, even the one's that don't think that they do.

2. Science

To begin my section on science, let me just say that I am not an intelligent design theorist.

I believe in God.

I believe in evolution.

I do not believe that the two conflict.

So here lies a pretty major problem between me and Christians. Our fundamental understanding of who we are and how we got here is completely skewed.

So, when I'm with christians, I am the odd one out because I believe that the world is more than like 3,000 years old. (And when I am with secular scientists I am the odd one out because I still cling to the idea of God).

Let me close this out by saying this: I have a great relationship with God and I truly know that I could never make it through my life without His love and support.

Sometimes, I want to go through the motions of being a Christian, in the traditional sense that people see it in America today. But I see all of the Christians around me and I think, "I can't even fake this".

Whatever separates me so much from Christians, it isn't God. Thats a common ground. But there is something, and I wish there wasn't.

Extra Credit Blog-Still

2009-04-22T13:00:00.000-07:00

Still.

After many trials, revisions and more. The theme for our yearbook this year is still. In my opinion, we could not possibly have a more perfect theme.

Thank God for this theme, thank God for still. This word is what has gotten me through this entire year. Specifically, this semester. Drama doesn't leave you when you leave high school. Things get harder. Things get tougher. People hurt me. I, in turn, hurt people who never for a second in their lives deserved it. Then what do you do?

And the drama is just the backdrop, right? There are still obligations. There are still things that I have to get done. I can try as hard as I can to make everyone happy, but in the end I end up being a failure to everyone. How does this happen? This isn't fair. It's just not.

And then, I am alone.

And then, I remember.

Still.

Be still, and take a breath. Be still, and pray. Be still, and wipe your stupid sorry eyes and next time, you will do better.

That's what you tell yourself, even if you are lying. Because at this moment, this moment when you are still, everything is okay.

Even If that's all that you have.

But.

Still is not a selfish word. Still is not just here for me. Be still and look around.

The whole world is in motion. Be still, but don't be alone. Be still and do something. Make a plan, do something right. Just do these things with peace. In order to stay at peace with yourself, you must stay still.

I must stay still.

Taking the time to be still is like taking the time to recharge the battery on your phone. (You know, except you are the phone and you apparently have a battery).

I was never good at analogies.

Once I have taken the time to be still and take a look around me, life is easier. I go through life with a different perspective. I am more calm, I am more collected, I am less worried.

Thank God for still, because sometimes motion causes sickness.

Change is unavoidable. Still, however, still is something special. Still is something to embrace. Still is a gift. It is a gift from God to us, and it has been a gift to have a reminder of this gift constantly around me.

Still is something that we all need, and something that I will never forget to cherish.

Final Blog-Book Review

2009-04-22T11:54:00.000-07:00

You probably didn't read it in high school, but that doesn't stop it from being a classic. The Master and Margarita, by Mikhail Bulgakov, is probably one of the greatest literary works of the 20th century, so they say. (You know, whoever they are). The novel comes from Russia, and the history behind this book is much longer and more eventful than I have the time to write about in this blog, but I promise it's interesting.

The plot is crazy, it's a whirlwind experience, and it's all over the place. The set-up is basically like this. Two intelligent men are having an intelligent decision about how God doesn't exist when, all of a sudden, a mysterious stranger arrives. Soon enough the characters remain unaware, but the reader has caught to the fact that this man is the devil walking around in Moscow, Russia.

What is he doing here?

The devil affirms the existence of Jesus, but denounces the accuracy of the Bible. He predicts the (almost immediate) death of one of the men that he is talking to, and finally he proceeds to introduce the true character of Pontius Pilate- a major theme throughout the story.

So that's just the beginning. After that it gets really crazy (don't let me spoil it for you but the devil throws a grand ball on earth).

In my opinion, this novel does in fact deserve all of the attention that it gets as one if the greatest novels of the 20th century. It is written amazingly well, and it asks philosophical questions that really do speak for our generation. It blurs the line between reality and the fantastic, or at least seriously demands the reader to question it.

The reader is never given any illusion that they will be able to understand completely the nature what is "truth" and what is "real". However the importance of philosophy, literature, and the pursuit of knowledge are encouraged through the themes in this book. In fact, at one point in the novel, the devil saves a book that one of the characters, Master, had attempted to destroy. "Manuscripts don't burn" the devil tells him, as if that is an explanation.

This novel is more than an adventure or religious (of some sort) piece. It achieves without effort a spot among the literary classics. It's themes run deep, and its encouragement of the pursuit of truth, regardless of how in vain that attempt may be, speaks for our generations desire for and struggle with the pursuit of religion and knowledge.

Angelos Midterm-Option 3

2009-03-01T20:37:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I'm just wrong.

This has been made especially clear to me in a number of ways recently, but it's always a downer when you realize that you're wrong in your own area of expertise. For me, that area is movies.

So there I was, looking for an article to write about. Nothing too political… I don't want to get my head bitten off (I mean I don't want to offend anyone). Nothing about money… I'd rather bring happy news.

And it seems that that’s what people really want. Nothing honest, nothing true, just an escape. If we pretend the recession isn't happening than it isn't.

Except it is, and we sort of know that too-but haven't actually brought ourselves around to admitting to it yet.

So, there it is, the relevance that my article has to society. I suppose you also might want to know a thing or two about the article, and maybe even why I am so wrong, remember?

In a recent article titled In Downturn, Americans Flock to the Movies from The New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/01/movies/01films.html) something culturally relevant is discussed…and I think you might be able to guess what is.

Movie going attendance is up…way up. Really, it has “jumped, by nearly 16 percent. If that pace continues through the year, it would amount to the biggest box-office surge in at least two decades”.

That’s a lot of people going to the movies. And that’s why I am so wrong. I thought that no one was going to the movies. I thought that that’s why I have to wait until July of 2009 to see the newest installment in the Harry Potter series when I could swear that the thing was due out last November. And it’s definitely not the only film to be suffering that sort of set back.

So I can’t answer as to why any of that horrible stuff is happening, but I probably couldn’t answer why most horrible things are happening. I do know (now), that people are going to the movies more than last year, and that really surprises me that “while much of the economy is teetering between bust and bailout, the movie industry has been startled by a box-office surge that has little precedent in the modern era”.

Except, when I think about it, that makes perfect sense. Of course, it makes sense in the scariest way imaginable.

We are in a recession; we are in a depression… whatever you call it. It is happening and we’re starting to act like it.

Hollywood made money in the 1930’s. They made money as an industry by making films about people living extraordinary lives that the average American could never dream of actually living. Today, the tendency is leaning towards a “mix of movies, which have been more audience-friendly in recent months as the studios have tried to adjust after the lackluster sales of more somber and serious films”.

Sound familiar? In the 1930’s children and adults flocked to the movies see the latest Busby Berkeley musical whenever they could. It seems as though we are beginning to find ourselves in a parallel of this.

I should note that there is good evidence to say that correlation does not prove causation. Movies aren’t necessarily more successful just because the economy is down.

But it does beg a certain question. Are we experiencing something that is greater than the normal up’s and down’s that the film industry usually goes through. Do we have a serious problem, one even greater than the great depression?

I’m scared, and I hope that this warning is a false alarm. If not, I don’t know what to hope for.

Assignment 1- Personal Testimony

2009-01-12T00:33:00.000-08:00

First off, the reason that I chose this topic is because "my personal testimony" is a difficult thing for me to figure out or explain to other people. Most christians that I meet are able to explain exactly when they became a christian and how that singular change dramatically affected their life.

I don't have a story like that.

Like many students at CBU, I grew up in a christian household. I will admit however, there was a struggle between denominations. My mom is non- denominational, my dad is an atheist (they are divorced), my step-dad was catholic at the time, my mom's parents are baptist, and my dad's parents are seventh day adventist. Im pretty sure that covers the entire spectrum of christianity.

Anyway, regardless of the church that I went to I did go to church every sunday, and I sort of always considered myself to be a christian- even if I did not have a very good handle on what exactly that meant.

So I accepted Jesus into my heart. A lot. I mean, I must have accepted him into my heart like five hundred times during my childhood. The sunday school teachers always had these compelling speeches making me want to be a christian. Since I did not have a "home" church, these were usually different people. All of them made me feel likeI was an awful sinner and I needed Jesus. It sounded like a good deal to me. I guess I did not have a good handle on the fact that I only needed to do that once.

I was baptized at the age of ten, and personally I feel like that was the turning point in my faith. I wasn't being a christian because I thought I should be, I was deciding to be a follower of Jesus because I wanted to be. I had gone to christian school, so by that time I had a good handle on what I was doing and the significance of choosing to be a christian.

Maybe I had it easy, I have always been blessed by being immersed in a christian community. I have always had support every time I faltered in my walk with christ. I am lucky. If I didn't have my faith I think that I would be lost in the world. The strength that I receive from God and the christian community is the backbone of my entire life, and I can only hope that I can give back to that community and try to glorify God in everything that I do.

Reflection (Final)

2008-12-12T11:02:00.000-08:00

It's funny how we tend to obsessively look for answers, especially when they're right in front of us. Well,i say "us", but I really mean "me", I think it just makes me feel better.

ANYWAY, you know those people that change their major like 500 times a week... thats me. Well, that was me as a frosh. Now that Im a sophisticated sophomore I just say that I'm undeclared- it saves a lot of paperwork.

I remember the moment that I had the realization that I should be a journalist. I was sitting at home over the summer, watching tv ad eating ice cream. I wasn't going to get excited yet, I've had realizations like this one before.

Joining Angelos was the smartest decision that I have made since entering college. I feel at home here. Some of the things that I have learned in here are completely new and foreign to me, but I cant get enough of it. All of it. This is it, this what I want. I want to be a journalist.

I appreciate more than I could ever say how supportive our journalism department is. Thank all of you, for everything. I look foreword to more next semester, and whatever things it brings me.

Absurd, Pathetic, and Competely Honest

2008-11-18T12:45:00.000-08:00

I am in the middle of an existentialist crisis.

I hate existentialism.

Ten weeks ago, I didn't hate it. Ten weeks ago, It was interesting. It was new. It was something that I really wanted to learn about.

Now I can't escape it.

I am only taking one class in existentialism this semester, but its themes seem to be emerging everywhere. I find myself writing about these themes in classes seemingly unrelated to the topic.

As for my mini public service announcement:
If you choose to immerse yourself in something to learn about, make sure that you're okay with it sort of controling your life.

You might not want to pick the most depressing topic ever.

Anywat that's not the sad part. This is the sad part.

So I was sleeping last night. Like many other silly girls, I fell asleep talking to my boyfriend. Oddly, when my phone alarm went off, it wasn't so loud because I apparentally was still on the phone.

"...Hello"?, I tried

To my suprise he was competely awake. "Hey were you sleeping?" he asked.

I was tired and confused, but I managed a "Ya".

Then he says somemthing strange. "You were crying. A lot. For like the last hour. Are you okay?"

This was news to me. I thought I was just sleeping. But my eyes were wet so I had no reason to doubt him.

Really though. I 've heard of sleep walking, I've heard of sleep talking, but sleep crying???

I had no idea that I was so depressed.

So there's my existentialist crisis. It's not terrible, I didn't open a book with all the answers to life's greatist questions only to become dissapointed because some prievous persons tears have made all the ink run.

But apparentally I am sad. Shows how little I know.

Disney Channel Dilemma (Midterm)

2008-11-03T01:02:00.000-08:00

http://jesusfreakrkg.blogspot.com/2007/01/when-disney-channel-is-no-longer-for.html

http://blog.macleans.ca/2008/08/05/kids-love-boats/

http://www.tiffanyblitz.com/blog/archives/119

Yes, I am serious.

I love the Disney channel. I mean it; I really, really love the Disney channel. If I could watch The Suite Life of Zack and Cody and Hannah Montana every time I turned on the TV, I think I would.

That said, I’m nineteen. I am old enough to see R- rated movies, vote, and join the army- among other things. I feel like I am old enough to watch the Disney channel with a critical mind and not be adversely affected by it.

I do not feel the same way in regards to children watching it.

My little sister will be twelve in December and my brother is nine. In my opinion, they absolutely should not be watching the Disney channel. These shows are absolutely inappropriate for them. The content is absurd: rebelling against parents, failing classes, demands for perfect fashion, celebration of bad grades, and relentless girl chasing can all be found in a half hour of any one of the Disney channel shows. What message do I want to send to my younger siblings? The answer is definitely not the one that the Disney channel is sending.

Maybe I sound like an old concerned parent. I am not a parent, and I know nothing about raising kids. All in all, I just want do be the best sister that I can be. Regardless, I know that there are a lot of parents out there that agree with me. The three attached blogs are from parents that have similar concerns to mine. Of course, in my opinion, their concerns are completely valid. The difference is that I don’t know what to do about it. I want to be a fun sister that allows my siblings to do what they want to (within reason), I don’t want to be a lame sister that always says no.

I need help.

At the end of the day, I am in a dilemma. I don’t really have the heart to tell either of my siblings that they can’t watch these shows. I know what it is like to be the unpopular kid in school; I know that it is a social necessity to know what’s happening on television. Its silly, but so are kids.

Maybe it makes me a hypocrite. I don’t feel that Disney has a very good influence on children anymore, but nevertheless I took my little sister to see High School Musical 3: Senior Year on the first day. I mean I had to. She had to. Is that wrong? Her friends were there, it’s popular! It’s just a little hard for me because I don’t feel that the message is appropriate for her.

My parents do let them watch the Disney channel, but they don’t always pay the kind of attention to it that I feel that they should. Here’s just one example. One day I was sitting at home watching MTV. My family came home and I changed the channel to Disney because everyone knows that MTV is inappropriate for children. The funny thing is that my dad quickly asked me to change the channel because “Zack and Cody” had just done something that he found inappropriate. I explained to him that I was watching the Disney channel- he couldn’t believe it.

I want to be a good sister, but sometimes that’s harder than it sounds.

Poison is not-so eatable.

2008-09-24T00:14:00.000-07:00

Being the greatest person that has ever lived, I think that I have a lot of good qualities. You might not be aware of this, but I do have some fundamental conceptual flaws. The biggest of these is that, and this is a very serious issue, I can't cook.

I don't mean this statement in any sort of cute or silly way. I CAN'T COOK. Most days I cannot even make cereal right. It's either way too milky, or way too soggy, or something of the sort. This makes mornings difficult.

There is a very serious problem that occurs almost every time that I try to cook. Sometimes things that I cook can not be eaten. It's not that it's bad tasting or even boring food, it's that it is probably poisonous. This may sound like an exaggeration, but I honestly I am not entirely sure how I am alive right now. Here's what happened to me this week:

Living on campus is super awesome for about a million reasons. For someone who cannot cook, such as I, the the ability to eat at the most amazing college cafeteria in the universe is one of them. So, from seven to seven monday through friday my problems are solved.

Unfortunately there is a drawback here. Sometimes, being the professional and awesome college student that I am, I find myself doing an essay in the middle of the night on the morning that that same essay is due. Then, I have a realization.

I have not had dinner an I am hungry.

This last week I found myself in such a circumstance. I raid my apartment refrigerator for something that is eatable, and find it- cheese.

Cheese is awesome. I can cook cheese. Chips with cheese on them, bread with cheese on it, cheese by itself in the microwave. Obviously with this reasoning I will never go hungry again.

Anyway, I decide to make a tortilla with cheese on it, sophisticated people may call this a quesadilla- whatever. My plan would be perfect if i was not missing something essential- butter. I have no butter, no pam, nothing. I decide to steal some oil from my roommate.

One of my roommates is Hawaiian. When I saw this particular oil I assumed that Hawaiian people used this super special oil for their super awesome Hawaiian food. Anyway, it was lemon oil.

Not wanting my roommate to notice that i "borrowed" from her I tried to use as little oil as was necessary for my super awesome meal. I made my quesadilla and it looked awesome.

It did not taste awesome, however. In fact, this was without a doubt the worst quesadilla that I had ever tasted in my life. I threw the rest away and went to bed feeling defeated.

A few days passed and I had completely forgotten about the worlds worst quesadilla when i saw one of my other roommates cleaning our wood cabinets- with lemon oil.

I ATE PINE- SOL.

I am not dead, and I do not think I am retarded. But until I can fix this cooking issue I am changing my eating patterns to strictly fit the cafeteria schedule. Either that or I am ordering a lot of take-out.